The First GOP Debate, Brought To You First On TrueBlueLiberal.Org

I just finished watching some of the Voters First Presidential Forum on C-Span right now and it makes me glad that I no longer pay my cable company enough money to get the package that includes the Fox News Network. That gives me a great excuse not to watch the first "real" debate later this week; I'm left free to simply imagine the garish red, white, and blue flag graphics behind the row of red white, and blue podia, behind which will be standing ten men, all of whom will be dressed in dark blue suits, white shirts, and an assortment of red, blue, and TrumpGold® ties.

After the preliminary prayers, Pledge of Allegiance, singing of 'God Bless the USA,' 'God Bless America,' and the Star-Spangled Banner, there will be short introductions of the candidates and then the questioning will begin without opening statements so that all ten candidates will have the chance to respond to at least one question in the remaining thirty minutes of airtime.

Blond Female Fox Questioner: Gentleman, we'd like to begin with a few questions to establish the areas of broad agreement between you -- and in opposition to your Democrat opponents -- before we move on to the minor details of management style and policy nuance that may separate you. So first, by a show of hands, how many of you are committed to reducing the onerous tax burden on patriotic job-creating Americans like the Koch Brothers and Sheldon Adelson and ...

Candidate Trump: ...and me myself, the winningest and classiest multi-billionaire job-creator-like guy.

Candidate Walker: Yeah creating (inaudible) jobs in China.

BFFQ: Gentlemen Gentlemen. We know this is an issue near and dear to all your hearts, but you'll all get a chance to speak shortly. Now by a silent show of hands, how many of you are now willing to publicly commit to lowering the job-killing tax rates currently imposed on America's job-creating heroes?

[The camera will pan slowly across the stage to show each candidate with his hand raised. Governor Perry will have both hands up until he realizes that his nine companions are only raising their right arms; he'll lower his left hand and his microphone will pick up a soft "ooops."]

Male Fox Questioner with Brown Hair Combed in a 1930's Style: In another area that we feel may elicit broad agreement, please raise your right hand if you pledge to declare war on Iran as one of your first acts as President.

Candidate Paul: Everyone will know on Day One that Rand Paul is not a peacenik like his Dad!

Candidate Walker: Nuke 'em!

[The other eight candidates will also raise their hands enthusiastically, but silently.]

MFQwBHCia1930S: Thanks to most of you for following the instructions. For answering twice out of order, Candidate Walker has lost his chance at a closing statement.

Candidate Walker: What the fudge?

MFQwBHCia1930S: All the Candidates were given a copy of the rules, which featured the three-strikes rule, so give Candidate Walker the hook and hand his podium to Alternate Candidate number .... [MFQwBH will pull a ball from a velvet bag and read the number on it] ...three. Alternate three, Governor Jindal, come on up!

[The camera will follow Scott Walker raising two fingers on each hand into nixonesque V's and waving them to the crowd as he leaves stage left. In a split-screen image, we will simultaneously witness a goofily-grinning Bobby Jindal enter from the stage-right wings.]

MFQwBH..: Candidate Jindal, do you agree to cut billionaires' taxes and bomb Tehran?

Candidate Jindal: Of course. Of course I do.

MFQw..: OK, we're all caught up here. [MFQ will nod to his smiling co-questioner]

BFFQ: For our final group question, please raise your hand if you're demonstrating your opposition to so-called "Gun-Free Zones" and adherence to the Second Amendment by carrying a concealed firearm and a copy of the Constitution tonight.

[Eight of ten candidates will immediately raise their hands.]

Candidate Christie: A few of us [he will nod to Candidate Trump] have goons to carry our guns for us.

[Candidate Perry's raised hand will actually be holding a cute little pearl-handled Colt revolver, which he will accidentally discharge into some key electronic components in the ceiling. "Ooops" will be the last word heard as the screens across America go blank.]

I Can't Wait Any Longer for the Clowns to Come to Town.

Joining us today for this first fictional preview of the 2016 Traveling Clown Circus here on the campus of Liberty University, presented by Fox News and sponsored by Mountain Dew are, in alphabetical order, Michele Bachmann, Chris Christie, Ted Cruz, Sarah Palin, Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, and Allen West. Hopefully the other ten candidates will be able to join us next week under the big circus tent being set up at Oral Roberts University. I'm your Master of Ceremonies and Ringmaster, Mike Huckabee. Please stand for the Invocation, Pledge of Allegiance, and Star Spangled Banner...

 [fifteen minutes later, with the crowd in a frenzy of patriotic tears] 

Huckabee: The first question goes to Michele Bachmann.
Cruz: And I really thought we had agreed to have only one token woman this year. This is going to get confusing to some of our viewers with two of them.
 Bachmann: Wait your turn! I thought there was only going to be one token Latino or Hispanic or Mexican here too, but we've got you and Rubio. Talk about confusing.
Huckabee: Didn't we agree in our pre-fight briefing that there would be no bashing of ladies or Mexiamericans this year? That's the only reason we lost those two key voting blocks in 2012.
Palin: That and nominating a lamestream Massachusetts moderate who had some very serious RINOplasty issues. I hope you see there how my air quotes while I was saying RINO mean that Romney was a Republican In Name Only.
Huckabee: Thank you for that clever clarification, but still we've got to pretend to be PC here, so no name calling about the wetbacks and members of the weaker sex. Only Dumb-o-crats and San Francisco Liberals can be  freely abused without consequences on this stage. Governor Palin, the first question goes to you... 
Bachmann: Wha..?
Huckabee: What have you done to combat universal healthcare Governor Palin?
Palin: First of all, while I want to thank the good folks at Mountain Dew for providing these pitchers of Dew -- real sugary Dew, not the diet stuff -- I just wish they had given us glasses larger than 16 ounces to pour it into... [raucous applause and laughter and an audible 'Fuck Bloomberg' followed by scattered rebel yells] ... That's good Dew. But seriously, I did more than anyone to stop Obamacare. Do you remember who warned you all about the Death Panels that were gonna kill your grandmas? Me.
Cruz: But I was the Tea Party champion who single-handedly shut down the government in 2013 to stop Obamacare!
Palin: And did you stop it?
Rubio: And has the province of Calgary released your birth certificate yet?
Cruz: Did you get your family's Cuban story rewritten yet?

[Loudly crosstalking candidates become unintelligible under a lengthy chorus of boos, or it could be that some sizable proportion of them are screaming 'Cruuuuuuuz'.] 

Huckabee [for the umpteenth time]: Order please. Please wait for your questions, you'll all get a turn.
Bachmann: Even me?
Huckabee: The next question goes to Rand Paul. What have you done to make sure the uninsured stay that way?
Paul: It's not enough to make sure that we take insurance away from all the victims of Obamacare, but we need to reexamine those earlier Socialist intrusions on our liberty, Medicare and Medicaid. This is about freedom and liberty to die like Americans, penniless and uninsured, if that's what we choose. Without Big Brother Nanny State telling us we need to go to the doctor.
Palin: Isn't your Daddy a doctor? [Governor Palin leans close in to her microphone to take another long audible sip on her soda straw, earning more laughter and applause]
Paul: Not only is he a doctor, but I'm a doctor too. We can do well enough with people who care enough to EARN the money to seek our services. And you can stop pretending you're the only one who cares about Americans getting enough junk food. Who was there to defend trans fats and America's donuts against the freedom-hating bureaucrats of the FDA back in 2013? I was.
Christie: Look at me. Look at me!
Huckabee: We're looking.
Christie: Look at me. Don't I look like someone who would fight harder than anyone for the freedom to eat donuts and drink large corn-syrup-enhanced American beverages?
Huckabee: You know, I was an overweight governor who learned to eat better.
Christie: I'm not gonna frickin mess with the chemistry that got me here.
Huckabee: Allen West, do you have anything to add to this discussion?
West: Is that a question?
Huckabee: I'm not really in control here right now, so say anything you want.
West: After we evict and convict the 80 Communist Party members of the Democrat Congress, then we need to deal with Iran with a few tactical nukes.
Huckabee: Anything else?
West: We're not executing enough prisoners fast enough...

[Interrupted by cheers]

West: If we run out of murderers, rapists, kidnappers, pirates, and traitors, maybe we can impose capital punishment for liberals and atheists or people who burn the Gadsden flag, or...

[foot-stomping, applause, whistles and a few pistol shots into the ceiling tiles fill the next ten minutes]

Huckabee: Because of tonight's spirited discussion and lively audience participation, we don't have time for more questions or closing statements...
Bachmann: Dafuq?!
Huckabee: We barely have enough time left for the closing prayers and the group singing of Lee Greenwood's 'I'm Proud to Be an American' featuring my extended bass solo.
Bachmann: I fought for junk food too!!
Huckabee: Cut her mike please.
Bachmann: ...where would traditional EasyBake ovens get their juice without my Light Bulb Freedom of Choice bill??
Crowd: INCANDESCENTS FOREVER!
Huckabee: Are we done here? Let Us Pray.

The Strategy of Distraction

Here's the media strategy of the RNC and the Tea Partiers regarding the government shutdown summarized in one twitterer's recent photos. Among many tweets of mine about the government shutdown over the last few days, I posted this one this morning:

Typical Fox News Viewer's View of #GOPshutdown:"Why did Obama and Reid go out of their way to shut down wheelchair ramps at WWII memorial!?"
— TrueBlue Liberal (@TrueBlueLiberal) October 4, 2013

I received this (surprisingly free of grammatical and orthographical errors) response a moment later:

@TrueBlueLiberal why did Obama #shutdown WWII memorial which was open 24/7 before, but now he closes it? Take your rose colored glasses off
— Truth Teller (@LiberalLies2012) October 4, 2013

I went to this tweeter's page and found the following recent pictures:

The photo from October 3 shows the "Barrycade" and "Harrycade" representing the closing of the WWII Memorial, but the photos from September 30 say "SHUT 'ER DOWN! WE DON'T obama CARE!" and the other photos from late September show the thoughtful young 1950's white man in a conservative suit wondering "If there is a government shutdown who will spy on me, waste my money, and have contempt for me?"  If these pictures could speak a thousand words (and, of course, they do) they would tell us all about cognitive dissonance and the typical and predictable right-wing media response that focuses on weapons of mass distraction rather than core issues.  It was in full display last March when the only sequestration cut complained about on the right was Obama's Heartless and Personal Shutdown Of White House Tours Just To Punish The Children (THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!). Now, of course, as one troll pointed out to me earlier this week,  President Obama and the Democrats are Nazis because they hate WWII vets.

It's not just one random twitterer with 29 followers playing up this single-note response to the current shutdown. Michele Bachmann has made multiple grandstanding photo-ops to the Memorial just down the Mall from the Capitol. Rand Paul has managed to combine GOP distractions in one sentence by saying they sent more security guards to the WWII Memorial than to Benghazi. The shutdown's poster boy Rafael Edward "Calgary Ted" Cruz released an official statement about Obamacare causing the Memorial's shutdown. And to prove that this distraction is an official party policy, Chairman of the RNC Reince Preibus (if that is a real name) has offered to have the party pay for five security guards to keep the Memorial open. Is the Republican National Committee willing to pay for scabs to keep all the other departments of the government working as well?

Finally, here's a video of one of the parade of GOP Congressional Grandstanding Photo Opportunists, Robert Randolph "Randy Robby" Neugebauer (R-TX) at the WWII Memorial berating a young Park Ranger for doing her job:

You can tell a lot about a person by the way he treats those he feels are "below" him. Not even the giant American flag in his breast pocket excuses his behavior.

Coming Up Next From the RNC/FOX Media Machine: Blaming Obama and Reid for the earthquake that closed the Washington Monument.

"It's not smart for Republicans to be attacking Republicans..." but it sure is fun! The 2016 GOP Clown Circus is underway.

It may take some time for the full field of
the 2016 GOP Clown Circus to come into focus.

Last week Chris Christie, who is auditioning for the role of the overweight egotistical clown played so well by Newt Gingrich in the 2012 production of the GOP Clown Circus, criticized those questioning the overreach of the American Security State, but especially the Pauls, père et fils, when he said, "...this strain of libertarianism that’s going through both parties right now and making big headlines, I think, is a very dangerous thought." Then, channeling short-lived 2008 clown Rudy "9/11" Giuliani, Christie said, "9/11, 9/11, New Jersey, 9/11, something, 9/11."

Rand Paul, who almost undoubtedly will play the 2016 edition of 2012's popular Ronald McPaul clown, twittered some responses immediately, but the crescendo continued yesterday when Paul The Younger talked about Christie on CNN as "...the king of bacon talking about bacon ... Governor Christie and others have been part of this gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme all this money.”

Rand Paul also said on Monday that “It’s not smart for Republicans to be attacking Republicans, [but he finishes the sentence by attacking the GOP NJ Governor]  but I would remind him that what is dangerous is to forget that we have a Bill of Rights, to forget about privacy and give up on all of our liberty that you have to live in a police state.”

I personally can't wait for the "King Of Bacon" line to come up in one of the first debates of the 2016 GOP Clown Circus.

The 2016 Clown Circus Casting Couch is Open!

Before any of them actually arrive for their first auditions, here are the very early TrueBlueLiberal.org front runners for the 2016 GOP Clown Circus:

• In the role of Michele Bachmann, we'll see the return of Sarah Palin.
• In the role of Herman Cain, we'll have the inimitable Allen West.
• In the role of boring Jon Huntsman, we will see boring Tim Pawlenty.
• In the role of boring Tim Pawlenty, we will see boring Jon Huntsman.
• In place of Rick Perry, Texas will be represented by Ted "Tail Gunner" Cruz.
• In the role of Mitt Romney, we will have the sixth Romney son, Paul Ryan (but only if Tagg, Trigg, Tugg, Tigger, and Craig Romney refuse the honor of defending the honor of car elevators and the beleaguered 1%).
• In the role of Newt Gingrich, we'll have the even more corpulent and egotistical Chris Christie.
• In the role of Rick Santorum, John Bolton will be the one to inject a frisson of real fear into the race.
• In the role of Game Show Host Donald Trump, we will see Game Show Host Chuck Woolery (unfortunately dropping out before the first debate to the chagrin of true aficionados of world-class slapstick clownfoolery).
• In the role of Ron Paul, we will see Rand Paul.

And stepping in to pick up the royal family banner with a minimum of effort after the inevitable entertaining clownpocalypse, the statesmanlike pandering flip flopper John Ellis "Jeb" Bush.

What Not to Wear to a Rand Paul Rally

Don't shop here unless you're very brave.

This Boot to the Head should be seen by everyone considering a vote for a Tea Party candidate

When following a link to this video of Rand Paul supporters assaulting an anti-Paul protestor, I got the following message page from YouTube.
There's no sex or profanity (though the actions of these thugs against Lauren Valle are obscene, and should be out of place in any democratic society), so I assume that the members of the YouTube user community who have flagged the following video have done so purely for political purposes.




If you didn't receive it in your email this morning as a card-carrying member of the Michael Moore Brigade, then you might also be interested in reading "A Boot to the Head ... from Michael Moore" on his website in which he places these brownshirt street tactics in a wider perspective. We're all going to get kicked, figuratively if not literally (though literally is always a possibility), if we let the pre-election pollsters be proved right next Tuesday night.