Rick Perry to become Secretary of Oops in the Trump Administration?

According to some reports (this link is from the CBS affiliate in Austin, Texas), Rick Perry is being considered for the positions of Secretary of Defense or Secretary of Energy.

The most famous moment of Rick Perry's 2012 campaign for the White House (before he started wearing eyeglasses to make himself look more intelligent) came at the November 9, 2011, CNBC Republican debate when he attempted to list the three cabinet departments that a President Perry would eliminate. They were the departments of "Commerce, Education and the unh ... and unh, what's the third one there?" He couldn't remember his own proposal to do away with the Department of Energy.



RICK PERRY: But the fact of the matter is we better have a plan in place that Americans can get their hands around. And that's a reason my flat tax is the only one of all of the folks -- these good folks on the stage -- it balances the budget in 2020. It does the things to the regulatory climate that has to happen. And I will tell you, it's three agencies of government when I get there that are gone. Commerce, Education, and the unh ... unh what's the third one there? Let's see.
RON PAUL: You need five.
PERRY: Oh, five, OK. So Commerce, Education, and the.. unh unh unh
MITT ROMNEY: EPA?
PERRY: EPA, there you go.
JOHN HARWOOD: Seriously, is the EPA the one you were talking about?
PERRY: No, sir, no, sir. We were talking about the unh agencies of government -- the EPA needs to be rebuilt. There's no doubt about that.
HARWOOD: But you can't -- but you can't name the third one?
PERRY: The third agency of government I would -- I would do away with, Education, unh the unh ...
ROMNEY: Commerce.
PERRY: Commerce and, let's see. I can't. The third. I'm sorry ... Oops.

It will be hard to top Ben Carson...

... for the most offensive and idiotic statement of this offensive and idiotic campaign season:

 “I never saw a body with bullet holes that was more devastating than taking the right to arm ourselves away.” 

--Dr. Benjamin Solomon "Ben" Carson, Sr., October 6, 2015

But how many bodies with bullet holes are necessary to protect our holy God-Given Second Amendment?

The First GOP Debate, Brought To You First On TrueBlueLiberal.Org

I just finished watching some of the Voters First Presidential Forum on C-Span right now and it makes me glad that I no longer pay my cable company enough money to get the package that includes the Fox News Network. That gives me a great excuse not to watch the first "real" debate later this week; I'm left free to simply imagine the garish red, white, and blue flag graphics behind the row of red white, and blue podia, behind which will be standing ten men, all of whom will be dressed in dark blue suits, white shirts, and an assortment of red, blue, and TrumpGold® ties.

After the preliminary prayers, Pledge of Allegiance, singing of 'God Bless the USA,' 'God Bless America,' and the Star-Spangled Banner, there will be short introductions of the candidates and then the questioning will begin without opening statements so that all ten candidates will have the chance to respond to at least one question in the remaining thirty minutes of airtime.

Blond Female Fox Questioner: Gentleman, we'd like to begin with a few questions to establish the areas of broad agreement between you -- and in opposition to your Democrat opponents -- before we move on to the minor details of management style and policy nuance that may separate you. So first, by a show of hands, how many of you are committed to reducing the onerous tax burden on patriotic job-creating Americans like the Koch Brothers and Sheldon Adelson and ...

Candidate Trump: ...and me myself, the winningest and classiest multi-billionaire job-creator-like guy.

Candidate Walker: Yeah creating (inaudible) jobs in China.

BFFQ: Gentlemen Gentlemen. We know this is an issue near and dear to all your hearts, but you'll all get a chance to speak shortly. Now by a silent show of hands, how many of you are now willing to publicly commit to lowering the job-killing tax rates currently imposed on America's job-creating heroes?

[The camera will pan slowly across the stage to show each candidate with his hand raised. Governor Perry will have both hands up until he realizes that his nine companions are only raising their right arms; he'll lower his left hand and his microphone will pick up a soft "ooops."]

Male Fox Questioner with Brown Hair Combed in a 1930's Style: In another area that we feel may elicit broad agreement, please raise your right hand if you pledge to declare war on Iran as one of your first acts as President.

Candidate Paul: Everyone will know on Day One that Rand Paul is not a peacenik like his Dad!

Candidate Walker: Nuke 'em!

[The other eight candidates will also raise their hands enthusiastically, but silently.]

MFQwBHCia1930S: Thanks to most of you for following the instructions. For answering twice out of order, Candidate Walker has lost his chance at a closing statement.

Candidate Walker: What the fudge?

MFQwBHCia1930S: All the Candidates were given a copy of the rules, which featured the three-strikes rule, so give Candidate Walker the hook and hand his podium to Alternate Candidate number .... [MFQwBH will pull a ball from a velvet bag and read the number on it] ...three. Alternate three, Governor Jindal, come on up!

[The camera will follow Scott Walker raising two fingers on each hand into nixonesque V's and waving them to the crowd as he leaves stage left. In a split-screen image, we will simultaneously witness a goofily-grinning Bobby Jindal enter from the stage-right wings.]

MFQwBH..: Candidate Jindal, do you agree to cut billionaires' taxes and bomb Tehran?

Candidate Jindal: Of course. Of course I do.

MFQw..: OK, we're all caught up here. [MFQ will nod to his smiling co-questioner]

BFFQ: For our final group question, please raise your hand if you're demonstrating your opposition to so-called "Gun-Free Zones" and adherence to the Second Amendment by carrying a concealed firearm and a copy of the Constitution tonight.

[Eight of ten candidates will immediately raise their hands.]

Candidate Christie: A few of us [he will nod to Candidate Trump] have goons to carry our guns for us.

[Candidate Perry's raised hand will actually be holding a cute little pearl-handled Colt revolver, which he will accidentally discharge into some key electronic components in the ceiling. "Ooops" will be the last word heard as the screens across America go blank.]

Jon Stewart Needs to Reconsider His Retirement

I'm trying to watch this at work with headphones and I can't view more than 20 consecutive seconds of video without disturbing my neighbors with stifled laughter.

The Daily Show
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,The Daily Show on Facebook,Daily Show Video Archive

Can't Jon stay at The Daily Show at least until the 2016 GOP Clown Circus finally folds its tent, or at minimum until the candidate known as Fuckface von Clownstick drops out?

Help Welcome Carly Fiorina to the 2016 GOP Clown Circus

Carly Fiorina has joined the GOP Clown Circus today and her most prominent web presence is at CarlyFiorina.org.

But we can't expect Carly Fiorina to understand technology can we?


Unfortunately, Carly Fiorina hasn't been effectively Santorumed yet. CarlyFiorina.org isn't showing up as the top search result for Carly Fiorina on this first day of her campaign, and it won't unless her name is repeatedly linked to it.

The John Lennon / Ted Cruz Mashup

It's not quite a clown circus yet, but the first clown officially stepped into the ring earlier today at Jerry Falwell's Liberty University (without this piano accompaniment):

If Ted Cruz uses the word "imagine" in vain one more time, John Lennon's heirs will have grounds to sue.

(and if you don't see the embedded music player above, click this link from PRI.org.)

Sarah Palin & Donald Trump must be pissed at The New York Times (again)

In this chart on the Times website today, those pointy-headed eastern liberals list the following twelve potential candidates as expected to compete for places on the stage of the 2016 GOP Clown Circus: Jeb Bush, Chris Christie, Scott Walker, Mike Huckabee, Marco Rubio, Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, Bobby Jindal, Carly Fiorina, and Ben Carson.
No Donald?
No Sarah?
How can they not take this woman seriously as a candidate for the clown college?

WOO HOO! We may have ourselves a full-fledged Clown Circus for the ages in 2016!

Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin told The Washington Post in an interview Friday that she is “seriously interested” in running for the White House in 2016.

“You can absolutely say that I am seriously interested,” Palin said, when asked to clarify her thinking about a possible presidential bid.

Seriously.

Mark Your Calendars for September 16, 2015!

The participants in the 2016 GOP Clown Circus are being officially invited to set up their travelling circus tents and adorable little clown-car rodeos in the parking lot of Simi Valley, California's Ronald Reagan Library [sic, don't expect to see any books there] on that date.

Get you drinking games ready!

2016 Clown Circus Preview -- Watch for the Cosplay at Republi-Con Cleveland 2016

Looking for a way to move from the 19th into the 20th Century (16 years too late), the Grand Old Party's media consultants couldn't help but look longingly at the successful Comic-Con San Diego 2014 that just wrapped up. Rebranding their convention as Republi-Con Cleveland 2016 is the easy and obvious first step, but they also see real possibilities suggested by nerdy cosplay. Having a stale brand name is only one part of the Republican problem; image consultants have also pointed out the poor optics of having a convention audience nominating Willard "Mitt" Romney in the summer of 2012 that was 98.7% white. Creative cosplay could radically change the look of those traditional monochromatic crowds in 2016.

Facepainters on Facebook

In the random juxtaposition of the day on my Facebook timeline, the lesson is obvious: Paint a Belgian flag on your face and you'll get a contract with L'Oréal; paint your face like a clown and you'll be labeled a gang by the FBI and the Justice Department (or invited to say your peace at the 2016 GOP Presidential Debates).

Reasserting the True Meaning of Santorum

I just noticed that the true meaning of Santorum is no longer at the top of the Google results, so we need to help it once more.

Santorum
Santorum
Santorum
Santorum

Santorum is getting the correct top result on Bing however.

Preview of 2016 GOP Clown Circus Debate #2: The Elephant in the Room

 In December 2015, the 2016 GOP Traveling Clown Circus was scheduled to make its second stop under the gigantic red, white, and blue big top set up on the campus of Oral Roberts University in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

The crowd had been fortified with large quantities of red meat and Red Bull and fluffed into a pre-game frenzy by two of the greatest second-string Saturday Night Live alumni, Dennis Miller and Victoria Jackson, telling jokes about Libtards and Dumbocrats. The star moderator Glenn Beck was in position on his throne, but when the cameras were turned on and it came time to fill the ten podia at the front of the tent meeting, only Governor Christopher James "Chris" Christie strode onto the stage. "Let's go, Glenn."

"We'll have to wait for your opponents, Governor," Mr. Beck announced.

"Yeah? I don't think they're coming," Christie said, laughing.

"I'm sure they'll be here.", Beck said. "We have to wait a minute."

"Actually, I heard from my staff they all went to the Tulsa Hospital Emergency Room unexpectedly with injuries to their lower legs."

"What?"

"Something to do with a steel pipe. Something about which I obviously have no further personal knowledge."

"That's awful. We may have to delay this whole evening then."

"I'll be happy to fill the whole hour and a half. Ask me anything."

"OK, let's start with your sports loyalties. We know that you bravely support the Dallas Cowboys even though the Giants and the Jets both play in the state you were born in and currently govern."

"America's Team! Yeah."

"And you've been known to root for the Notre Dame Fighting Irish when they played your state's university, the Rutgers Scarlet Knights, in a 2013 bowl game."

"Every North Jersey bully worth his salt likes the Irish."

"Both brave and independent stands, but is it also true that your favorite figure skater was Tonya Harding?"

"That little blonde firecracker? America's sweetheart? Who wasn't in love with her?"

"And it's only a coincidence in light of tonight's events?"

"Obviously. Now let's talk about my impeccable bipartisan record and ability to bring people together. You know that I was supported in 2013 by a lot of Democratic New Jersey Mayors who were certainly not threatened or bribed or beaten into supporting me."
...
(The rest of the hour you know by heart from the inspiring biographical Christie campaign commercials that have been running every night on every network since mid-2015.)
...
[and, in case you missed it, here's the partial transcript of the first imaginary 2016 GOP Clown Circus Debate I posted back in November]

I Can't Wait Any Longer for the Clowns to Come to Town.

Joining us today for this first fictional preview of the 2016 Traveling Clown Circus here on the campus of Liberty University, presented by Fox News and sponsored by Mountain Dew are, in alphabetical order, Michele Bachmann, Chris Christie, Ted Cruz, Sarah Palin, Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, and Allen West. Hopefully the other ten candidates will be able to join us next week under the big circus tent being set up at Oral Roberts University. I'm your Master of Ceremonies and Ringmaster, Mike Huckabee. Please stand for the Invocation, Pledge of Allegiance, and Star Spangled Banner...

 [fifteen minutes later, with the crowd in a frenzy of patriotic tears] 

Huckabee: The first question goes to Michele Bachmann.
Cruz: And I really thought we had agreed to have only one token woman this year. This is going to get confusing to some of our viewers with two of them.
 Bachmann: Wait your turn! I thought there was only going to be one token Latino or Hispanic or Mexican here too, but we've got you and Rubio. Talk about confusing.
Huckabee: Didn't we agree in our pre-fight briefing that there would be no bashing of ladies or Mexiamericans this year? That's the only reason we lost those two key voting blocks in 2012.
Palin: That and nominating a lamestream Massachusetts moderate who had some very serious RINOplasty issues. I hope you see there how my air quotes while I was saying RINO mean that Romney was a Republican In Name Only.
Huckabee: Thank you for that clever clarification, but still we've got to pretend to be PC here, so no name calling about the wetbacks and members of the weaker sex. Only Dumb-o-crats and San Francisco Liberals can be  freely abused without consequences on this stage. Governor Palin, the first question goes to you... 
Bachmann: Wha..?
Huckabee: What have you done to combat universal healthcare Governor Palin?
Palin: First of all, while I want to thank the good folks at Mountain Dew for providing these pitchers of Dew -- real sugary Dew, not the diet stuff -- I just wish they had given us glasses larger than 16 ounces to pour it into... [raucous applause and laughter and an audible 'Fuck Bloomberg' followed by scattered rebel yells] ... That's good Dew. But seriously, I did more than anyone to stop Obamacare. Do you remember who warned you all about the Death Panels that were gonna kill your grandmas? Me.
Cruz: But I was the Tea Party champion who single-handedly shut down the government in 2013 to stop Obamacare!
Palin: And did you stop it?
Rubio: And has the province of Calgary released your birth certificate yet?
Cruz: Did you get your family's Cuban story rewritten yet?

[Loudly crosstalking candidates become unintelligible under a lengthy chorus of boos, or it could be that some sizable proportion of them are screaming 'Cruuuuuuuz'.] 

Huckabee [for the umpteenth time]: Order please. Please wait for your questions, you'll all get a turn.
Bachmann: Even me?
Huckabee: The next question goes to Rand Paul. What have you done to make sure the uninsured stay that way?
Paul: It's not enough to make sure that we take insurance away from all the victims of Obamacare, but we need to reexamine those earlier Socialist intrusions on our liberty, Medicare and Medicaid. This is about freedom and liberty to die like Americans, penniless and uninsured, if that's what we choose. Without Big Brother Nanny State telling us we need to go to the doctor.
Palin: Isn't your Daddy a doctor? [Governor Palin leans close in to her microphone to take another long audible sip on her soda straw, earning more laughter and applause]
Paul: Not only is he a doctor, but I'm a doctor too. We can do well enough with people who care enough to EARN the money to seek our services. And you can stop pretending you're the only one who cares about Americans getting enough junk food. Who was there to defend trans fats and America's donuts against the freedom-hating bureaucrats of the FDA back in 2013? I was.
Christie: Look at me. Look at me!
Huckabee: We're looking.
Christie: Look at me. Don't I look like someone who would fight harder than anyone for the freedom to eat donuts and drink large corn-syrup-enhanced American beverages?
Huckabee: You know, I was an overweight governor who learned to eat better.
Christie: I'm not gonna frickin mess with the chemistry that got me here.
Huckabee: Allen West, do you have anything to add to this discussion?
West: Is that a question?
Huckabee: I'm not really in control here right now, so say anything you want.
West: After we evict and convict the 80 Communist Party members of the Democrat Congress, then we need to deal with Iran with a few tactical nukes.
Huckabee: Anything else?
West: We're not executing enough prisoners fast enough...

[Interrupted by cheers]

West: If we run out of murderers, rapists, kidnappers, pirates, and traitors, maybe we can impose capital punishment for liberals and atheists or people who burn the Gadsden flag, or...

[foot-stomping, applause, whistles and a few pistol shots into the ceiling tiles fill the next ten minutes]

Huckabee: Because of tonight's spirited discussion and lively audience participation, we don't have time for more questions or closing statements...
Bachmann: Dafuq?!
Huckabee: We barely have enough time left for the closing prayers and the group singing of Lee Greenwood's 'I'm Proud to Be an American' featuring my extended bass solo.
Bachmann: I fought for junk food too!!
Huckabee: Cut her mike please.
Bachmann: ...where would traditional EasyBake ovens get their juice without my Light Bulb Freedom of Choice bill??
Crowd: INCANDESCENTS FOREVER!
Huckabee: Are we done here? Let Us Pray.

2016 GOP Clown Circus Update: The Nuge!!

OK, I haven't updated my 2016 GOP Clown Circus Casting Couch posts lately, but I couldn't help noticing this headline from CBS Detroit:

Ted Nugent Cuts His Hair, Hints At Presidential Run

Please, please do it! Although if his competition on the Clown Circus stage includes Rafael Edward "Calgary Ted" Cruz and Michele "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann, this gun nut may come off as the sane one.

Today's Fine White Whine Comes from the Vineyard of Donald Trump

"...It was a terribly drawn suit, an incompetently drawn suit and they did it very quickly. ... Maybe this is a mini-IRS. Maybe we need to get the Tea Party after these people because this could maybe be a mini-IRS." 

--Donald Trump on Fox News, 26 Aug 2013

The Total Collapse of
Teaparty (#TCOT) flag.

Translation: Waah Waah Waah.  The Lightweight Attorney General of New York under orders from our Kenyan President Obama is going after me and my phony baloney "University" just like the IRS under Obama's marching orders harassed those poor non-political Tea Party groups, so now those non-political Tea Party groups should come to my aid. Waah Waah Waah.

In a logical world Donald Trump's fraudulent "Trump University" scam would be just one more reason for his disqualification for any type of public office, but there's still a good chance that we'll see him as the game-show-host clown in the 2016 GOP Clown Circus (and of course if he can't make it, the game-show-host clown-in-waiting Chuck Woolery will be happy to fill in that spot on the debate stage).

2016 GOP Clown Circus Casting Couch Update: Scott Brown as the next bipartisan (i.e., losing) clown?

Here's the quote of the day from the ex-Senator from Massachusetts considering the suicidal 2016 GOP Clown Circus role played by Jon Huntsman in the 2012 debates.  He was quoted when visiting Iowa over the weekend:

“I want to get an indication of whether there’s even an interest, in Massachusetts and throughout the country, if there’s room for a bipartisan problem solver.” -- Scott Brown

He'll find out how much room there is in the 21st-century GOP for a bipartisan problem solver as soon as he's stupid enough to say something like, "Global warning isn't necessarily God's will" or "President Obama was probably born in the United States." His type of pointy-headed new-fangled Taxachusetts RINOism will find little welcome in the bloodthirsty Clown Circus galleries looking for red meat about God, guns, and gaybashing, but they will have fun booing and shouting down a (relative) voice of reason, and we'll have fun watching.
Go for it Scott.

2016 GOP Clown Circus Update: The New Fat Clown Throws His Hat Into the Ring

VOTE FOR ME!!

It has seemed clear all along that the role of the fat egotistical clown played so well by Newt Gingrich in 2012's GOP Clown Circus would be filled by Chris "Krispy Kreme" Christie in 2016, and the Governor of New Jersey made his ambitions obvious at the end of last week when he vetoed a ban on .50 caliber sniper rifles, a ban which he had proposed just last April.  He announced his veto on a Friday evening when the local news outlets might miss it, but the gun rights groups keeping score on such matters definitely would not.

It's official. He's running for the GOP Presidential nomination and a place at one of the 8 or 9 podiums (podia?) on the traveling 2016 GOP Clown Circus stages.

While having the role of the fat egotistical clown filled is good news for Clown Circus aficionados, there was bad news on Friday as well. The Republican National Committee and its chairman who goes by the improbable name "Reince Priebus" announced that CNN and NBC would not be allowed to host episodes of the highly-anticipated 2016 Clown Circus because those networks are considering the broadcast of a documentary and a miniseries featuring presumed Democratic candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton.  The RNC's real goal, of course, is simply to deny us the pleasure of seeing their clowns showing their true colors on two more networks.  If "Reince" could, he'd simply anoint Jeb Bush or Paul Ryan or Chris Christie with the title of nominee without any of the party's dirty laundry being aired for the entertainment and edification of America's voters.

Today's Fine White Whine

"It's not really a bunch of whining, it's just us telling them what we're going to do about it, that's all," the man who uses the alias 'Reince Priebus' whined yesterday.

"Them" in the above quotation are the CNN and NBC television networks.
"Us" is the Grand Old Political Party of which 'Reince Priebus' is the chairman.
What they're "going to do about it" is restrict those networks' rights to broadcast portions of the entertaining 2016 GOP Clown Circus if the networks continue with their plans to broadcast documentaries on Hillary Clinton.

"Waaaah Waaaah Waaaah," Mr. 'Priebus' concluded.

Expect a crescendo of Coulrophobia in the United States as we approach 2016

Bart Simpson is referring, of course, to Newt
Gingrich (2012) or Chris Christie (2016).

Smithsonian.com has an article out today on "The History and Psychology of Clowns Being Scary". 

They somehow managed to publish three pages on the common fear of clowns, coulrophobia, while amazingly neglecting to mention the terrifying GOP Clown Circus of 2012 or its upcoming 2016 sequel, which will be in full swing very soon.