Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Just Call Me A "Global Functionality Facilitator"

... and if you haven't done so already, please find out what your title is with the Bullshit Job Title Generator.

Now I guess I'd better get back to work facilitating global functionalities.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Today's "Real Fact" & Giving Conservatives Credit Where Credit Is Due

First of all, I "love" the fact that Snapple gives itself full deniability by placing "Real Fact" and "Real Facts" within quotation marks. Yes, they seem to be saying, these "Facts" may be exactly as "Real" as Donald Trump's "University" or "hair". But given that this "Fact" #786 might actually be bullshit, I found it interesting to imagine the human brain using the same amount of power as a 10-watt bulb.  I assume that's a rough average, but I think we can probably be pretty sure that the most conservative among us are conserving energy (or hoarding it in their beer bellies) by using only 5 watts or less in their crania.

So, I'm giving credit where credit is due. Thank you to all the teabaggers and dittoheads out there doing their best to conserve brain power (even as they follow Michele Bachmann's advice and cling bitterly to their wasteful incandescents to light their homes).

Today's Fine White Whine Comes from the Vineyard of Donald Trump

"...It was a terribly drawn suit, an incompetently drawn suit and they did it very quickly. ... Maybe this is a mini-IRS. Maybe we need to get the Tea Party after these people because this could maybe be a mini-IRS." 
--Donald Trump on Fox News, 26 Aug 2013

The Total Collapse of
Teaparty (#TCOT) flag.
Translation: Waah Waah Waah.  The Lightweight Attorney General of New York under orders from our Kenyan President Obama is going after me and my phony baloney "University" just like the IRS under Obama's marching orders harassed those poor non-political Tea Party groups, so now those non-political Tea Party groups should come to my aid. Waah Waah Waah.

In a logical world Donald Trump's fraudulent "Trump University" scam would be just one more reason for his disqualification for any type of public office, but there's still a good chance that we'll see him as the game-show-host clown in the 2016 GOP Clown Circus (and of course if he can't make it, the game-show-host clown-in-waiting Chuck Woolery will be happy to fill in that spot on the debate stage).

Monday, August 19, 2013

2016 GOP Clown Circus Casting Couch Update: Scott Brown as the next bipartisan (i.e., losing) clown?

Here's the quote of the day from the ex-Senator from Massachusetts considering the suicidal 2016 GOP Clown Circus role played by Jon Huntsman in the 2012 debates.  He was quoted when visiting Iowa over the weekend:
“I want to get an indication of whether there’s even an interest, in Massachusetts and throughout the country, if there’s room for a bipartisan problem solver.” -- Scott Brown
He'll find out how much room there is in the 21st-century GOP for a bipartisan problem solver as soon as he's stupid enough to say something like, "Global warning isn't necessarily God's will" or "President Obama was probably born in the United States." His type of pointy-headed new-fangled Taxachusetts RINOism will find little welcome in the bloodthirsty Clown Circus galleries looking for red meat about God, guns, and gaybashing, but they will have fun booing and shouting down a (relative) voice of reason, and we'll have fun watching.
Go for it Scott.

2016 GOP Clown Circus Update: The New Fat Clown Throws His Hat Into the Ring

It has seemed clear all along that the role of the fat egotistical clown played so well by Newt Gingrich in 2012's GOP Clown Circus would be filled by Chris "Krispy Kreme" Christie in 2016, and the Governor of New Jersey made his ambitions obvious at the end of last week when he vetoed a ban on .50 caliber sniper rifles, a ban which he had proposed just last April.  He announced his veto on a Friday evening when the local news outlets might miss it, but the gun rights groups keeping score on such matters definitely would not.

It's official. He's running for the GOP Presidential nomination and a place at one of the 8 or 9 podiums (podia?) on the traveling 2016 GOP Clown Circus stages.

While having the role of the fat egotistical clown filled is good news for Clown Circus aficionados, there was bad news on Friday as well. The Republican National Committee and its chairman who goes by the improbable name "Reince Priebus" announced that CNN and NBC would not be allowed to host episodes of the highly-anticipated 2016 Clown Circus because those networks are considering the broadcast of a documentary and a miniseries featuring presumed Democratic candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton.  The RNC's real goal, of course, is simply to deny us the pleasure of seeing their clowns showing their true colors on two more networks.  If "Reince" could, he'd simply anoint Jeb Bush or Paul Ryan or Chris Christie with the title of nominee without any of the party's dirty laundry being aired for the entertainment and edification of America's voters.

Wednesday, August 07, 2013

"There is no why."

Today is the 39th anniversary of one of the great works of art of the twentieth century (and one that would be totally impossible in our current international police state).

Today's Fine White Whine

"It's not really a bunch of whining, it's just us telling them what we're going to do about it, that's all," the man who uses the alias 'Reince Priebus' whined yesterday.

"Them" in the above quotation are the CNN and NBC television networks.
"Us" is the Grand Old Political Party of which 'Reince Priebus' is the chairman.
What they're "going to do about it" is restrict those networks' rights to broadcast portions of the entertaining 2016 GOP Clown Circus if the networks continue with their plans to broadcast documentaries on Hillary Clinton.

"Waaaah Waaaah Waaaah," Mr. 'Priebus' concluded.

Thursday, August 01, 2013

Expect a crescendo of Coulrophobia in the United States as we approach 2016

Bart Simpson is referring, of course, to Newt
Gingrich (2012) or Chris Christie (2016). has an article out today on "The History and Psychology of Clowns Being Scary". 

They somehow managed to publish three pages on the common fear of clowns, coulrophobia, while amazingly neglecting to mention the terrifying GOP Clown Circus of 2012 or its upcoming 2016 sequel, which will be in full swing very soon.

Happy 71st to Jerry Garcia

There's more to be learned about "America" and "Freedom" from the missing middle finger of this man in the Mexican poncho than from all the speeches using those words that you'll ever hear from men wearing suits.

“There’s no way to measure his greatness or magnitude as a person or a player. I don’t think any eulogizing will do him justice. He was that great, much more than a superb musician, with an uncanny ear and dexterity. He’s the very spirit personified of whatever is Muddy River country at its core and screams up into the spheres. He really had no equal. To me, he wasn’t only a musician and friend, he was more like a big brother who taught and showed me more than he’ll ever know. There’s a lot of spaces and advances between The Carter Family, Buddy Holly and say Ornette Coleman, a lot of universes, but he filled them all without being a member of any school. His playing was moody, awesome, sophisticated, hypnotic and subtle. There’s no way to convey the loss. It just digs down really deep” -- Bob Dylan