Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Fireworks on the Fourth

I have a question about fireworks for tomorrow's national holiday. What is the very best way to honor our nation, our independence, and the primacy of the Stars'n'Stripes, symbol of our exceptionally exceptional nation?

Traditionally we celebrate by running a gasoline-soaked Union Jack up the flagpole in our backyard and set it alight as we play God Save the Queen (Sex Pistols version) with our beat-up Stratocasters and vintage Marshall amps.

However, this year I'm debating whether or not we should shake up our stale family traditions a little bit by changing the flag at the center of our fireworks.

My grandparents changed it up when they burned German and Japanese flags in alternating years between 1941 and 1945. I'm thinking that the appropriate vexicological sacrifice at the top of our pole this year should be the Yellow Snake Teabag Flag (sometimes known as "The Gadsden").

The musical accompaniment will again come from the classic Sex Pistols songbook of course, but tomorrow we'll play Pretty Vacant.

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