A Formal Thank You to Florida Republicans From Mitt Romney's Liberal Cabal!

Newt Gingrich told you on your Fox News that "the only effective way to stop a Massachusetts liberal from becoming our nominee is to vote for Newt Gingrich", but you either didn't believe the little fat man any more than either of his first two wives did, or you did believe him and you've finally decided to join us in our flag-burning Christmas-killing crusade to turn the United States of Real Americans into the European Wannabees of Hippie Abortionists.



Mitt's Magic True Blue Massachusetts Liberal Underwear

Now that Mr. Inevitable Willard "Mitt" Romney is finally --- thanks to Florida's Republican voters this evening -- really Mr. Inevitable, we in America's Secret Liberal Headquarters can reveal the real magic underwear that has helped propel our rich handsome mouthpiece to the top of the GOP ranks. Magic Mormon Underwear? No, that was always just a smokescreen. He's wearing what we all wear, Magic True Blue Massachusetts Liberal Boxer Shorts (except for sometimes when he's in a fashionably adventurous mood).


Now it's clear that we in the Cabal can't lose. It will be a Massachusetts-Michigan-Mexican Mormon GOP Liberal versus an Hawaiian-Kenyan-Illinois Muslim Democratic Liberal in November.  What are you Teapartiers going to do about it? Vote for Ron Paul?