Showing posts with label cats. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cats. Show all posts
Thursday, December 08, 2016
Wednesday, June 03, 2015
June 3, 2015 : The Day the Telephone Poll Officially Died
Telephone polls will keep reporting results for as long as there are telephone poles and for as long as there are lazy and competitive news outlets looking for ways to draw curious eyeballs to their advertisements.
I've been doubting their utility for years (polls, not poles). However, as of today, all results of telephone polls are officially null and void, and here's the evidence leading me to this final judgment:
Not only have telephone polls lost their utility and credibility; they've even lost what little ability they had to divert attention from cat videos.
I've been doubting their utility for years (polls, not poles). However, as of today, all results of telephone polls are officially null and void, and here's the evidence leading me to this final judgment:
1) This morning I saw this Time headline online, "Johnny Carson Reigns as America’s Favorite Late-Night Host, Poll Finds," which seemed a little strange since he's been off the air for 23 years and a large percentage of the adult population able to stay up past 11:30 at night has never seen Johnny host The Tonight Show. Yet he had almost twice as much support as his closest competitors, 'None' and David Letterman. As suspected, this was a telephone poll of 2,105 Americans conducted by Quinnipiac and the only fact it proved is that the only people who are regularly answering calls from unidentified numbers are people over 65. I'm only surprised Jack Paar and Steve Allen didn't beat Letterman too.2) The clincher came later in the morning when I read this AFP headline: "George W. Bush More Popular than Obama: Poll." This CNN/ORC poll was conducted by telephone from May 29 to 31 on a representative sample of 1,025 Americans who were dumb or old enough to answer calls from strangers. The pollsters claim a margin of error of 3%, which makes Dubya's 52%-49% "victory" over Obama a tie, but I'm leaning toward a margin of error of infinity.
Not only have telephone polls lost their utility and credibility; they've even lost what little ability they had to divert attention from cat videos.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
North Korea can finally catch up on the latest cat videos
After nine or ten excruciating hours of internet failure, Kim Jong-un can finally share more moments of joy around the computer with his closest friends.
If the United States really did have a hand in this outrageous outage, we may need another Congressional torture commission.
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| YouTube is the universal language. |
Friday, December 19, 2014
Saluting the Four-Legged Foot Soldiers in Our Liberal War On Christmas
Bill O'Reilly and the other defenders of our annual midwinter marketing schlockfest don't stand a chance against these feline warriors!
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Hanukkah Miracles!
Along with New York banning fracking yesterday, and a U.S. President finally treating our Cuban policy with a modicum of common sense, we were also apprised of the following sign of divine intervention in human affairs, with god revealing his (or her) true face:
Even more surprising than the feline nature of God (which is actually not surprising at all), is the fact that God is female. Because, despite the "him" in Darth Skeptic's tweet, we know that Grumpy Cat (alias Tardar Sauce, alias God) is a girl.
Behold, Grumpy Cat is the one true god because I found him in an apple.
pic.twitter.com/pSM1VFKYLm
— Darth Skeptic (@weakSquare) December 18, 2014
Even more surprising than the feline nature of God (which is actually not surprising at all), is the fact that God is female. Because, despite the "him" in Darth Skeptic's tweet, we know that Grumpy Cat (alias Tardar Sauce, alias God) is a girl.
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