Thursday, September 04, 2008

Governor Sarah Palin's Modest Secret Proposal for American Energy Independence

God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
--Genesis 1:28

The Governor of Alaska, who this week has been anointed by God and God's Republican Servants to be John McCain's running mate and successor, has not only shown by her fruitful multiplication that she is a true servant of the one True American God, but also that she is an original thinker when it comes to expanding human dominion over the earth and its soulless creatures. Why stop with drilling under the habitat of endangered caribou and polar bears in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to fuel our pickup trucks and SUVs? Why not examine all the ways that we can add biofuels to the mix -- including those efficient biofuels in the abundant fat of the bodies of caribou, walruses, seals, whales, and polar bears of her home state? They're not doing anything productive, like posing for German zoo visitors or working to pull plows, and they're just going to die anyway when their ice melts and their tundra defrosts, so why shouldn't they share the burden of driving our families of seven to the mall?
If we had Siberia or India as a colony, we could also put a tiger in our tank, but until that inevitable day, we'll work with what we have.

No comments: