This may be hilarious, but it's NOT a joke.

Here is a link to the actual final 2012 platform of the actual Texas Republican Party. This is not a joke.

I'm surprised there isn't a plank in the
platform making the display of
the word "Liberal" illegal.

Click the link above and find your own favorite/scariest parts. You won't have to read more than one random line before your jaw hits the floor, but here are my "favorites" from each page. In most cases, it was very hard to choose just one:

page 1. from the Preamble "The embodiment of the conservative dream in America is Texas." 

page 2. "Washington D.C. - We strongly oppose making the District of Columbia a state or adding Congressional members."

page 3. "Preservation of Republican Form of Government - We support our republican form of government in Texas as set forth in the Texas Bill of Rights and oppose Initiative and Referendum. We also urge the Texas Legislature and the U.S. Congress to enact legislation prohibiting any judicial jurisdiction from allowing any substitute or parallel system of Law, specifically foreign Law (including Sharia Law), which is not in accordance with the U.S. or Texas Constitutions."[emphasis added]

page 4. "Protection from Extreme Environmentalists – We strongly oppose all efforts of the extreme environmental groups that stymie legitimate business interests. We strongly oppose those efforts that attempt to use the environmental causes to purposefully disrupt and stop those interests within the oil and gas industry. We strongly support the immediate repeal of the Endangered Species Act. We strongly oppose the listing of the dune sage brush lizard either as a threatened or an endangered species. We believe the Environmental Protection Agency should be abolished."

page 5."Voter Rights Act – We urge that the Voter Rights Act of 1965 codified and updated in 1973 be repealed and not reauthorized."

page 6."Enforcing the Platform - Every Republican is responsible for implementing this platform. Party candidates should indicate their positions on platform planks before their acceptance on the ticket and such information should be available on the Party website."

page 7."Confederate Widows Plaque - We call for restoration of plaques honoring the Confederate Widow’s Pension Fund contribution that were illegally removed from the Texas Supreme Court building."

page 8."Homosexuality ― We affirm that the practice of homosexuality tears at the fabric of society and contributes to the breakdown of the family unit. Homosexual behavior is contrary to the fundamental, unchanging truths that have been ordained by God, recognized by our country’s founders, and shared by the majority of Texans. Homosexuality must not be presented as an acceptable “alternative” lifestyle, in public policy, nor should “family” be redefined to include homosexual “couples.” We believe there should be no granting of special legal entitlements or creation of special status for homosexual behavior, regardless of state of origin. Additionally, we oppose any criminal or civil penalties against those who oppose homosexuality out of faith, conviction or belief in traditional values."

page 9."Morning After Pill - We oppose sale and use of the dangerous “Morning After Pill.”"

page 10."Stem Cell Research - We oppose any legislation that would allow for the creation and/or killing of human embryos for medical research. We encourage stem cell research using cells from umbilical cords, from adults, and from any other means which does not kill human embryos. We oppose any state funding of research that destroys/kills human embryos. We encourage the adoption of existing embryos..." [emphasis added. Are they literally talking about people adopting orphaned embryos to give them a good home??]

page 11."Social Security ― We support an immediate and orderly transition to a system of private pensions based on the concept of individual retirement accounts, and gradually phasing out the Social Security tax. We insist that Social Security benefits be non–taxable. To protect the Social Security System, its funds should not be co–mingled or spent with general revenues or invested in private or public corporate stock."

page 12."Knowledge-Based Education – We oppose the teaching of Higher Order Thinking Skills (HOTS) (values clarification), critical thinking skills and similar programs that are simply a relabeling of Outcome-Based Education (OBE) (mastery learning) which focus on behavior modification and have the purpose of challenging the student’s fixed beliefs and undermining parental authority."

page 13."School Health Care – We urge legislators to prohibit reproductive health care services, including counseling, referrals, and distribution of condoms and contraception through public schools. We support the parents’ right to choose, without penalty, which medications are administered to their minor children. We oppose medical clinics on school property except higher education and health care for students without parental consent."

page 14."Right to Keep and Bear Arms – America’s founding fathers wrote the 2nd amendment with clear intent – no level of government shall regulate either the ownership or possession of firearms. Therefore we strongly oppose all laws that infringe on the right to bear arms. We oppose the monitoring of gun ownership, and the taxation and regulation of guns and ammunition. We collectively urge the legislature to pass “constitutional carry” legislation whereby law-abiding citizens that possess firearms can legally exercise their God-given right to carry that firearm as well..."[emphasis added. This item goes on and on at length, but I thought I'd stop with the "God-given right" malarkey. I don't remember firearms in the Bible]

page 15."Capital Punishment – Properly applied capital punishment is legitimate, is an effective deterrent, and should be swift and unencumbered."

page 16."We support the principles regarding the public economy as stated in the Republican Party Platform of 1932" [it then goes on to quote directly the 1932 platform about the gold standard and "quack remedies" for the economy, proving, as if you needed proof, that the GOP wants to roll back the calendar to a time before the New Deal]

page 17."Federal Tax Reform – We recommend repeal of the Sixteenth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, with the goal of abolishing the I.R.S and replacing it with a national sales tax collected by the States. In the interim we urge the income tax be changed to a flatter, broader, lower tax with only minimal exemptions such as home mortgage interest deductions."

page 18."Law of the Sea – Adopted by the UN in 1982, we still oppose the Law of the Sea Treaty."

page 19."Minimum Wage – We believe the Minimum Wage Law should be repealed." [In this former slave state, could wages then theoretically be reduced to zero?]

page 20."United Nations – We support the withdrawal of the United States from the United Nations and the removal of U.N. headquarters from U.S. soil." [Another creation of Franklin D. Roosevelt's -- in Texas the "D" stands for "Devil"]

page 21."Birthright Citizenship – We call on the Legislative, Executive, and Judicial branches of the United States to clarify Section 1 of the 14th amendment to limit citizenship by birth to those born to a citizen of the United States with no exceptions." 

page 22."International Organizations – We support U.S. withdrawal from the International Monetary Fund, the World Trade Organization and the World Bank."

These are representative of the entire document. There is page after page of these radical ideas. This is not a fringe organization calling for an end to the UN, the IRS, the Fed, minimum wages, Social Security, the EPA, the Departments of Education and Energy, the Endangered Species Act...etc., while simultaneously calling for the imposition of a Puritan social and sexual lifestyle and blatant public state recognitions of religion. This is one of our two major national parties. Their platform needs to be exposed to wider scrutiny and ridicule.