Wednesday, May 25, 2005

We at TBL Don't Care if a Radiation-Enhanced Green Hulk Hits 500 Home Runs a Season, and the United States Senate Shouldn't Either!

Here's yet one more sideshow to distract us. The Senate doesn't have time to discuss abuses in Guantanamo, or to fully debate the merits of unqualified ideologically-motivated federal judges, but it sticks its nose into this entertainment industry issue?
"McCain Offers Measure for Testing in Pro Sports"
- New York Times:
"WASHINGTON, May 24 - Senator John McCain, the Arizona Republican, unveiled the much-anticipated proposal for a Clean Sports Act on Tuesday, the culmination of a series of hearings full of discontent with steroid testing in professional sports. The legislation aims to require standardized testing procedures and stiffer punishments for athletes who test positive for banned substances."
What's next, testing stars of Desperate Housewives for breast implants that give them an unfair advantage over non-enhanced has-beens and starlets? Testing male porn stars for traces of Viagra and Cialis? Investigating telephone voting irregularities on American Idol? Testing Bill Maher for traces of marijuana before he can relax enough to broadcast Real Time? Testing the Simpson sisters and Britney for evidence of lipsynching? Professional wrestlers for "taking a dive"? Lead singers in hair bands for pants stuffing? Despite the clean-cut mythology, baseball and football are not any different from these other entertainment media. It's not the Senate's job. It's not the President's job (though it was when he was a figurehead in the Texas Rangers organization). It's not a priority for our tax dollars. It's another distraction.

Liberals are often falsely accused of wanting a nanny state. Not this liberal. When it comes to performance enhancing (or performance decreasing) drugs, the state is encouraged to mind its own business.


Anonymous said...

It's not a priority for our tax dollars. It's another distraction.
Indeed. As I've said before, stop all this ridiculous bullshit and get back to work. This is not important.

The Culture Ghost said...

I think they should be made to take all kinds of drugs, just before game time. And drink copious amounts of alcohol. Might make the game remotely interesting.

True Blue Liberal said...

Right. When was the last time baseball was interesting? Bill "The Spaceman" Lee. Mark "The Bird" Fidrych. They weren't on performance-decreasing drugs?
Mickey Mantle never played drunk? Come on. I want to see players out there losing interest, or marvelling at the greenness of the field and watching the trails of the ball.

Anonymous said...

Or maybe we could just switch to Blernsball and forget the whole thing.

True Blue Liberal said...

I loved this line about Blernsball: "Fry, Bender, and Leela attend a blernsball game at Madison Cube Garden, but Fry doesn't yet understand the rules." We just had company from Norway trying to figure out baseball on TV. You don't realize how funny all these games are until you try to explain the rules.
Cricket Anyone?